Losing my friends

Broom wants me to lose all the friends I have left. Or she wouldn’t have tagged me with this vile and criminal tag. She insists I do it.

And to be honest – everyone is. All of us. We form opinions about what is right or cool or acceptable and when someone or something does or does not fall into that opinion, we judge. We may not say it or show it, but we think it.

Before I begin, let me say this – loud and clear. I do judge people. I am shamefully and acutely aware of my reactions. I feel sorry for letting my own inadequacies reflect in my judgment of others. Some of these judgments aren’t as relevant now. The other thing is, I find it the easiest to judge people who are between the ages of 21 and 35.

1. I judge women who don’t earn money and rely on their parents or their husbands. Especially if they are post graduates and don’t have children. I do realize that taking care of a household is an arduous chore, and is a lot of work. But sometimes, my hypocrisy gets the better of me.

2. I judge people who don’t type fast. (I really can’t explain this.) It probably has more to do with my impatience.

3. I judge men when they sit in their living rooms, when guests are over for dinner, while the women appear to be slaving over the stove, or setting the table. I judge the women for looking at me expectantly to help them.

4. I judge people who read chicklit, even though I hide my stash of chicklit, or pretend that it’s actually profound writing disguised as chicklit.

5. I judge mothers for bringing along bawling children on flights, and mutter that they should drug children on flights. I then feel like dirt, when my father says something like “Poor child, maybe her ears are hurting.”. Or when my mother reminds me that I never let anyone in the entire compartment sleep when they used to travel to Madras on trains. I also feel awful for judging the mothers by a higher standard than the fathers.

6. I judge very thin people for being obsessive about their looks. It’s awful I know. Many of them may not even want to be thin. God knows, I am not in the same boat.

7. I judge women who call their husbands every ten minutes to let them know where they are. In fact I assume that they’re calling their husbands, when they could be having a perfectly naughty conversation with another friend.

8. I judge people who don’t like dogs, because I think they have no idea what love or companionship is all about.

9. I judge people who are younger siblings because I assume they’ve had an easier ride than the elder ones.

10. I judge people when they don’t know what a blog is.

11. I judge Desis who say they like any other cuisine other than Indian the best. I think they’re trying to put on a “am so cool and global” act. I also judge Desis who pick up foreign accents in less than three years of having lived abroad.

12. I judge parents who buy expensive clothes and gadgets for their children, because I feel like they’re buying a relationship, and that they don’t have the time or inclination to actually be with their children.

I am crossing my fingers, and hoping my friends realize that I am not evil. That I am just opinionated sometimes. 😦

PS – I also judge “judgmental people”.


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0 Responses to Losing my friends

  1. Broom says:

    Yes Yes! People who don’t type fast. What’s with that? It isn’t so hard you know. Just 26 freakin alphabets.

    Join the club of friendless-judgemental bloggers.


  2. Sines says:

    Wow that is like more than half of my list and God knows there is a list. I judge desi people who have conversations in English when there is a common desi language amongst them.

    On a seperate note I just recently discovered your blog through 30in2005’s links and I have to say I like your fiesty little blog.



  3. tinkertoon says:

    Judge Me Not
    Judge me not by my religion,
    Judge me not as white or black.
    Judge me by my thoughts and visions,
    Judge me by my plans and acts.

    Judge me not by age and gender,
    Judge me not by looks alone.
    Judge me, lover and defender,
    By the deeds that I condone.

    The color of my skin won’t show,
    What is hidden in my heart.
    And age and sex do not bestow,
    Knowledge of all human arts.

    Do I love? Give onto others?
    Do I heal, or sing, or teach?
    Do I learn from my life lessons?
    Do I practice what I preach?

    Those are things that judge my soul,
    Those are things that judge my mind.
    And at my deathbed they’ll console –
    Or they’ll punish me in kind.

    ~ Author Unknown ~

    P.S from tinkertoon: I judge folks who are ever so ready to google on a topic, knowing someone has already said something remotely connected and so-called-“wise”….. (so that makes me judgemental about my self, right?)


  4. mumbaigirl says:

    I’m guilty of 1, 6 and 7 😦 But I want to put on weight, and A thinks I don’t call him enough. Also I’m trying very hard to be paid. 😦


  5. Falstaff says:

    Guilty of 8 and 11 your honor.

    Personally, I just judge people.


  6. Pri says:

    definitely 11.
    I judge people who cant get their sentences out fast enough. I hate that.


  7. Twisted DNA says:

    Quite commendable to write these down honestly. If I do this tag honestly, I won’t be left with any family or friends.

    About 2, I don’t if people don’t type fast generally. But when I see a programmer doing “peck and hunt” typing with two fingers, I stop respecting them right there!

    About 9, I would say you are being very judgmental.. oh wait, that’s the purpose of the tag! I am guilty of that. By the way, my brother made sure my life was hell when I was young πŸ™‚


  8. Primalsoup says:

    What? Did the tag specifically ask for only 12 reasons? Or did you actually stop? Tee hee.


  9. southways says:

    Ha!ha! I love 9. I am the youngest in the family!!!!
    But my list was quite similar.


  10. Goodness girl! So when we met u were judging me all the time? :P.. waise thankfully I dont seem to fall in any of the categories that you have mentioned here!! πŸ™‚


  11. GG says:

    I bet the desis in #10 weren’t vegetarians. I challenge any desi vegetarian to dare say it is not the best veggie cuisine of the world. (Though Thai is a close second imo) πŸ™‚


  12. Priya says:

    On Judging:

    One of my favourite quotes is: “Listen without prejudice.” That’s the best you can hope for.

    I like to think compassion levels my sense of “right” and “wrong” using that simple test of putting yourself in someone elses shoes( and running in them for a mile), but your list got rid of that notion right quick. Guilty as charged for most of them. It made me laugh out loud and I liked number 8:
    “I judge people who don’t like dogs, because I think they have no idea what love or companionship is all about.”
    just because it was a nice suprise (judgemental little me that it would be on a desi female blog).


    Completely Off Topic But Has to be Said:

    I discovered your blog while searching for a list of Nasrudeen Shah & Shabna Azmi movies I could rent this weekend. Well, I came across a poem from a review of Ardh Satya and thought there has to be an English translation. I got rewarded by not only a translation of the poem, but a very thoughtful post, a mini debate on it’s meaning, and a poetry podcast!

    You’re definitely being bookmarked. I love the issues you address both serious and “shallow”, but above all, I love your writing style.


  13. Anil says:

    I second you on 11, and make it ‘after three months of living abroad’.


  14. Broom: There is of course a difference between disliking something, getting annoyed with something and judging something. I can’t believe I am petty enough to judge someone by their typing speed. But well, that’s me!

    Sines: Yeah that language bit is so true. But I get sooo annoyed when two people sharing a language begin to yap in that without regard for whether or not I understand it. Hemph!

    tinkertoon: πŸ™‚ Judging yourself is very rewarding. I reward myself with icecream.

    mumbaigirl: You can’t be guilty of anything! Don’t know you know Rule No 1 of judging – Inconsistency. A person I like a) cannot be judged either by me or by anyone else or b) If judged, becomes adorable because of that the judgment. It becomes a quirk. πŸ™‚

    Falstaff: I also judge people who put too many footnotes. πŸ˜€

    Twisted DNA: I guess it’s just a personal thing. I tend to find younger siblings more mollycoddled on an average. And that is an absurd generalization of course.

    Primalsoup: Thankfully, the powers that be just froze my keyboard. Trust me, the list is rather long. And gets more ghastly.

    southways: Umm. Same words to you as said to Mumbaigirl. πŸ™‚

    Twilight Fairy: Well, it’s not I sit down and go over the the things that annoy me list all the time. But sometimes, some things just stick out like sore thumbs. I am actually a nice person mostly.

    GG: Totally agree!

    Priya: So much for compassion, I become my very worst – the more I realize that I am being judgmental. In fact, I justify the judgment with even more “negatives” about the other person. I then get some sleep, and am not so caustic.

    Thanks so much for liking the blog and that particular post. πŸ™‚ Come by again!

    Anil: What about an accent after a transit flight via Frankfurt or Heathrow?? πŸ˜€


  15. Nilu says:

    athellam seri, ‘indhi pasangala enga kaanum?


  16. aparna says:

    -i used to be a housewife soon after i got married for a couple of months. We didn’t have children then. We had other shit to tackle, hence took that break. Post grad women who don’t work and have no kids sometimes do it cause of something called circumstance.

    -I have flown with Meeshu and she cries her heart out– her ear hurts and she doesn’t like closed spaces. Still i couldn’t care less about people like neha Vish who think mothers/parents are to be blamed- i’d rather fly with my kid and get done with it in an hour than travel by train and torture the poor soul for 12 hours.
    -i call my husband every half and hour and tell him where i am. Its a habit more than anything else and i think it makes him fall in love with me every time i do that.
    -i buy really expensive things for Meeshu and DONT think i am buying a relationship. *****!
    -and i type real slow…and i don’t think it is a shortcoming.

    horrible horrible neha opinionated vish. booooo
    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  17. Nilu: Nee varai nu terinju odi poita.

    aparna: My default state sees things one way, but when I step out of it – I see things a little differently. I am a postgrad, we don’t have kids but I’ve been without work for extended periods. I am guilty of most things on the list – precisely why I judge others immediately by those standards.

    You call your husband every half hour? I message mine every fifteen minutes and go nuts if I don’t call him every 25 minutes!


  18. aparna says:

    i always knew it, now i’ve confirmed it…u are the most adorable nut, i will ever know. fooool.


  19. Rashi says:

    Wow…That sounds like my own laundry list of people-I-could-shoot-down-in-my-snap-judgement-fit! Even though I hate myself (more so after reading this post!), it helps that there is someone out there who is so much like me…Bravo Neha, keep those confessions coming!


  20. WA says:

    Neeyum Broom um vasamaa maatineenga. Poruthirundhu paarkavum


  21. Shyam says:

    2 5, 8, 10, 11 – I’m THERE with you! In fact, I could have written them, I felt such a weird sense of deja vu! πŸ™‚


  22. sirensongs says:

    Don’t worry Neha – this (below) is a perfectly accurate judgment; in fact it is just common sense. πŸ˜‰

    8. I judge people who don’t like dogs, because I think they have no idea what love or companionship is all about.

    And you are right!

    I have a problem with slow typers too…


  23. The Visitor says:

    8. I judge people who don’t like dogs, because I think they have no idea what love or companionship is all about.

    I love you for this! πŸ™‚

    11. I judge Desis who say they like any other cuisine other than Indian the best.
    I also judge people who say that they cant live without Indian (their own ethnic) cuisine.


  24. Haha…i agree with so many of yours! The dogs one, and the chick lit, and the desis who act firangi. Also, the “I don’t like judgemental people”.