Some hearts are constantly in kashtam (mushkil). I cannot think of a suitable word in English really. How does one translate manasu kashtam. Manasu = Heart. Kashtam = Troubled? Difficult? Complicated?
For some reason in an absurdly feverishly cloudy mood. Rustic heart. Suitable song for the moment.
Sometimes I look at what I blog here, and think – oh my god, what a pseud. Whatever happened to it? The reason I chose to blog under my real name was that it naturally made me cautious. I wouldn’t say stuff here that I cannot say in a room full of people. Which is good really. It’s kept me out of falling into the trap of saying something without thinking about it. Anonymity is a delusion really.
And then on other days, I wish I was anonymous. A random handle picked in a moment of sheer inspiration or desperation. That I could somehow say all that I want to say without connecting it all to my name or my identity. Or maybe partial anonymity. Where some people know who you are, and you aren’t rabid about telling people what your name is, but the connection isn’t all that obvious.
On some days, I am forced to ask myself that. Is this blog some sort of a giant PR tool? Is there any semblance left of me here anyway?
PS – This is a rant. Okay? 🙂
nehamaami 
Pensive?
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Rave or rant, you do it evocatively always.
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Yeah, so get what you mean. More than anything else worry about hurting the feelings of friends and family who read the blog. Seriously limits the rant potential of the blog… 😉
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Heartache might be much closer to “Manasu Kashtama Irukku”. Is a pet peeve of mine that there are lot of words in languages that just cannot be translated precisely into another.
For example kashish in Hindi/Urdu, I know what it means in Hindi/Urdu but it is such a beautiful word that nothing in English/Tamil/Telugu seems to do justice to it that I am hard put to translate it to people who ask me what it means.
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Neha,
interesting rant 🙂
Seriously, its great to say something you want to say with your own identity than with anonymity and still get away with it! Not many can do it though..
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Manasu kashtam = heartache.
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Do I have to answer all those questions?! I can answer one though, even without thinking.
PS – This is a rant. Okay? 🙂
Okay! 🙂
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Jab Yaad Aayi Tihaari, Soorat Woh Pyaari Pyaari
Neha lagaake haari, haayyyye
Neha lagaake haari, tadpoon main gham ki maari …
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Very interesting post this one. I also think (even on days when I am not blue 😉 ) – that my blog is just a giant PR tool. Underneath it all, it seems to mostly about trying garner attention towards myself. Pretty pathetic, but pretty “averagely” human too I guess.
btw, your blog was on “recommended list” my google reader (has been so for a while), and so came here from there.
Arun
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hug
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Maybe you should have two blogs, Neha!
A public and a private one ! 🙂
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A rant and an password protected post that follows ! Any connection ?!?
Just curious. Okay ?
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Or maybe partial anonymity. Where some people know who you are, and you aren’t rabid about telling people what your name is, but the connection isn’t all that obvious.
🙂 amen to that.
just saw this post. I wish you had posted it a day earlier as this was a perfect candidate for my most recent post.
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